Dan had a friend named Gilbert, who was a big guy, towering over Dan. Dan was tall and skinny, while Gilbert was taller and broad. He had a gentle nature, quick smile, great laugh, and was black. He didn’t live directly in our neighborhood, which was fairly mixed, black and white at this point, but spent a lot of time at our house. He became like one of the family, even calling me sis, which I usually didn’t allow anyone outside of the family to do. He often accompanied us to church on Sunday, and afterwards enjoyed the big Sunday breakfast dad would always whip up.
Part of the Sunday breakfast routine was painstakingly cooking the bacon on a large electric skillet, constantly flipping the bacon and pressing each part down with a fork, ensuring each piece was perfectly and evenly cooked, even though this would frequently cause splatter grease burns on the person frying the bacon, a position that got rotated weekly mainly between me and Dan. Dad would fry up eggs in the bacon grease and there would be mounds of buttered toast, which would have to be carefully buttered so the bread was completely covered. With a big crew and plenty of food and milk and juice, it was always loud and fun and delicious. Gilbert seemed to love the food and camaraderie as he showed up most Sundays in time to join us for church. We loved having him over. He would rough house with the younger boys who really looked up to him, and not just physically. They loved the attention he would give them. To me, he was like another, less obnoxious brother, as he didn’t pull my hair or tease me as much.
One day, after church, a man came up to dad as we were walking out.
“I see you brought your son’s friend again. Is this going to be a regular thing?”
My dad looked him in the eye and replied, “Gilbert will be coming with us anytime he wants to.”
At the time, I thought, how nice, he cares about us bringing friends to church.
In retrospect, I see that was not what he was actually saying. Even though the neighborhoods were integrated, the church was not. I believe now, that the man who approached my dad preferred to keep the church that way, white, and his question was more of a challenge than an accommodation. It’s a good thing this interaction happened outside of church. Otherwise, I think dad’s reply would have been more strongly worded and confrontational. Dad was not one who liked to be told what to do and despised people who were two-faced. Nice Christian. Bring people to our church, as long as they fit our preferred profile. Damn, was I naïve.
Gilbert kept coming with us for several months, then less often. I’m not sure what happened. If his family moved or if it was when we moved, or just relationships moving on as they often do, but eventually Dan lost touch with Gilbert. I wonder sometimes what happened to him. I hope he has had a good life. He was such a kind and gentle guy.