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How do you say good bye to a friend of over 40 years?  Someone who has been there with you through good times and bad, from crying on each other’s shoulders to laughing until tears were rolling down your cheeks.  Nancy, you have always been a beacon of light in this world.  I didn’t know that when we first met at Group Systems 40+ years ago, or that we would be life long friends, yet, maybe I did.  Certain people come into your life for a season, and definitely many work friends can be like that.  But way back, I think Nancy Harmon, Kathy Plesuchenko, and I knew we had something special.  Kathy invited me and Nancy and another work friend to a Christmas dinner at her house the first year we all met.  The other work friend didn’t show up, I believe because it was just supposed to be the three of us.   And, a tradition was formed.  We would rotate the hosting of the Christmas dinner each year, some years it would be well after Christmas, but it didn’t matter as long as we got together.   As we got married and had families, sometimes we would include the families, but usually it was just the three of us.  A tradition that has continued all these 40 years.  I cherish these times.  I’m grateful the 4^th person didn’t join.  In fact, we would toast each year our thanks that she didn’t show up to the original dinner.

Nancy was always a lot of fun and enjoyed going out and being with people.  I remember in the first years of working with her, I was going to school in the evenings trying to finish my bachelor’s degree, and Nancy would come to my desk and ask if I wanted to go out for drinks after work.  “No, I should go home and get some homework done.”

“You can always do that tomorrow.”  After, several attempts, I would usually relent. 

“Ok, I’m in.”

“Great, do you have any money?”  I would laugh, and usually have a few bucks on me.  Of course, going out with Nancy, that’s all you needed.  Soon, she would be running into friends, or making new friends, and our drinks would mostly be covered.  She was fun, generous and adventurous.  Being friends with Nancy was special.  I felt like I was the nerdy introvert and just got invited to join the cool kids table.  And, I don’t think she ever thought about herself as cool or special, but she definitely was!

I remember going on many ladies weekends with her to Chicago, and once 60 or so of us went white water rafting down the Youghiogheny River in Pennsylvania, including her mother in law Tish.  Once, when working with her at Chrysler, she found a deal to fly roundtrip to Chicago for $50, (she always found the best deals).  So, me, Nancy and our friend Deb Garofalo, took a half day off the next day and flew to Chicago, did some shopping, ate dinner and flew back that evening.

Nancy always knew the good places to eat too.  From the Bell Bar we’d frequent when working at Group Systems to Siam Wok we’d go to when working at Chrysler in Centerline.  Some of our best times were downtown.  We (me, Nancy and Kathy) loved to go downtown and eat at Greektown, go to Ol’ Shilaleaghs, and many other haunts.   Once when we were checking out a new place in an area Kathy and I weren’t too familiar with, Nancy disappeared.  We, at first, were casually looking through all the patrons for her, then not finding her started feeling a little more panicked, actually, more for ourselves than for her, if I’m being honest.  Nancy drove and definitely knew her way around, while Kathy and I were less capable at getting around.  Of course, a minute or so later, Nancy pops up with her usual ‘Hey!  What’s going on?”  She seemed puzzled at our concern and was ready to move on and check out some other place she just heard about.  She definitely did not sweat the small stuff.

Another time, also in Greek Town, while Kathy and I are waiting in line to be seated, Nancy wandered off, returning a few minutes later with flowers in hand. 

“Where did you get those?” Kathy asked. 

“From that guy over there.” Nancy said pointing to a guy by the corner.

“Do you know him?”

“No.”  People just liked doing things for Nancy.  She had a way of making you feel special.

Over the years, we didn’t get together as frequently, but always at least a few times a year, including of course our Christmas dinner.  After Pat and Nancy bought their condo downtown, their ‘sliver on the river’, which was right on the Detroit River across from Belle Isle, Kathy and I would join Nancy for sleep overs there.  We’d either eat out at the Rattlesnake Club or some other fun restaurant or bring in Mediterranean food and play dominoes and drink wine.  Last year we decided to meet at the condo every other month for our girl sleepovers.  I envisioned many years of this.  But then, after only a couple more of these weekends, Nancy found out about her cancer.  Everyone was devastated.  How can this be?  This is Freaking Nancy Harmon!  Not some mere mortal. 

When I first learned of Nancy’s illness, I was of course shocked and distressed and had the sense that Nancy was trying to console me about her condition.  Her, ‘at least I found out going into summer when I can get out on the boat and enjoy the sun’ did little to console me, but showed not only her resilience and optimism, but her love of life.  I cherish all of my history with Nancy, maybe more so, this last year, since I became aware of her illness.  I’m so glad we had our girls’ weekend in the spring, our movie outings, and just time sitting with her, even when she was mostly sleeping.  This woman made such a difference for me in my life.  She introduced me to my husband, hosted my bachelorette party, after wedding party, our daughter’s baby shower, and was always there for me in good times and in bad. 

Nancy adored her guys, Pat, her steadfast and loving partner, who was a perfect match as he shared her love for travel and adventure; Mike and Will, her sons, fine young men, of whom she was so proud, and often bragged about.  She worried about them more than she worried about herself.  She loved her whole extended family.  She also loved, and knew how to throw a party!  She threw a huge Kentucky Derby birthday party for her birthday in May, after learning of her cancer in April.   She always looked for and found the best in every situation.

Around Nancy, you could just be yourself.  She was so loving and inclusive and generous and maybe the most genuine person I have ever known.  Nancy will always be in my heart and has made me a better person.  My mission is to be more like Nancy.  To be kind and generous.  To notice the good in people and let them know.  To say kind things to strangers you meet along the way.  To laugh and smile often. Don’t sweat the small stuff.  And, definitely have some adventures.  I’m glad she was well travelled and well loved. She loved people and lived her life to the fullest, and aren’t we the lucky ones who got to ride along with her, on any part of that magnificent life. 

So, what’s going on?  How many times have I heard her say that when calling her, hearing the smile in her voice?  How, I would love to hear her say that one more time.  What’s going on Nancy?  Are you planning a reunion with your family and friends that have gone before you?  I’m guessing you are. I’m glad you’re no longer in pain and are at peace.   I love you, Sister.